As was reported on earlier by the loyal subjects at TechCrunch, developers have released the Beta version of Safari 4 for all you OS X users and even you Windows-using Rebel scum.

Safari 4 Beta Features

With all the recent claims by some shiny silver web browser about how fast their Javascript processing is, the Empire souped up the Javascript in Safari even more. You’ll get the ability to do a full history search as well as browse your web history or bookmarks in an i-Tunes like cover flow style. Add in the tabs on top and full page zoom for an amazing internet experience. As a sign of our benevolence we’re giving it away for free at Apple.com/Safari.

When will those Rebel scum in Redmond actually come up with an original idea? If they haven’t noticed Vista was a monumental flop and the new Windows 7 (original name too) is shaping up to be more of the same. The Zune is nowhere close to rivaling the iPod/iPhone hegemony and now we have the latest chapter of Microsoft copy-catting the Empire.

Windows Mobile Updated

After months and months of WinMo users complaining about the clunky UI Microsoft has released Windows Mobile 6.5 complete with a MobileMe knock-off feature called My Phone. Are they hoping that customers will hear My Phone and think iPhone? The phonetic similarities are eerie. However, the Empire fears no enemy and inevitably Microsoft will scrap this failure and move on to version 6.6.

The Apple Empire is known for it’s ability to produce the best products in the Galaxy. That is indisputable fact. However, just having the best products in the Galaxy wouldn’t be enough if nobody knew about them. So we at Apple rely on our loyal subjects to spread the message of our greatness. Based on the results I would say that the strategy is as masterful as one of Emperor Steve’s famous keynotes.

Free Publicity

Over at Crunchgear we have an excellent post by John Biggs detailing the upcoming legal battle between the iFart app and the Pull My Finger app over the right to produce the sound of flatulence on your iPhone. This publicity will easily mean more downloads for both apps, but the bigger benefit will be increased sales of the mighty iPhone. Thank you fart apps for all the free publicity.

During the early 2000′s many would argue that the galactic balance of power shifted from Cupertino to Mountain View. Google became ubiquitous across all aspects of society. However, the balance of power lies squarely in Cupertino. And for the doubters, you only have to read the news.

Apple Owns Multi Touch

As reported by MobileCrunch Google left multi touch capability out of the Android-based G1 because of a simple request from the Emperor (and a really broad patent too). The phone was capable of multi touch, as evidenced by mods, so the omission is obviously not due to hardware deficiencies.

Let it be known to any potential knock-offs (read Palm Pre) that Apple bows to no one, not even the mighty Google. You mess with our intellectual property and you will face the wrath of Darth Mac.

For those of you who doubted Emperor Steve’s ability to guide the Empire while suffering from a decreased midichlorian, I submit the current rally as evidence that the Force is still strong with Apple. The price has been improving slowly over the last few weeks and today closed over $100. This favorable outcome was aided by loyal subject and FTN Equity Capital analyst Bill Fearnley who corrected his rating from neutral to buy and set a target of $140. We thank him for his loyalty and can assure stockholders of a handsome return on their investment as we crush the Rebellion.

As has been noted in recent articles, Information Week and Crunchgear for example, the Apple Empire has acquired a very valuable patent recently. If you’re really into seeing the source you can view the actual patent on file with the US Patent Office here. So why is Emperor Steve so pleased with this patent?

iPhone Video Capability

For a long time we have heard rumors that certain people loyal to the Empire were dissatisfied with their iPhones because they couldn’t use it to video conference. Though these complaints were kept mainly under the radar, the Force alerted us. Therefore, we will increase the destructive power of the Death Star capability of the iPhone in the near future to include this much desired feature.

Twitter

On a personal note, you may now follow me on Twitter as @DarthMac.