As many times as we have to give gifts and as many times as we receive gifts, everyone can remember gifts that just didn’t hit the mark (think PC accessory to a Mac Boy). Giving the right gift can make you a galaxy hero while giving a gift that are totally unsuited to the recipient can be completely embarrassing for them and for you. However, it isn’t all that hard to find totally unique gifts that any friend or family...

I was exceedingly troubled this morning as I read the opinion of (what I thought) a knowledgeable tech blogger concerning recent comments made by Stephen Elop. Emperor Steve will deal with Stephen, but I will go to the blogosphere to deal with Jason Kincaid. No Office on iPhone The iPhone is the most powerful weapon phone in the galaxy. When fully operational it will be able to destroy entire planets. Why in the world would Emperor Steve...

While usually I do not choose to grace wild accusations with a response, in this case I feel the situation is so grievous that I am compelled to respond. If you would like to read the accusations you can, but the main intent was to say that Emperor Steve placed a DRM chip in the headphone controls of the new Shuffles (reported on earlier by me). Is TechCrunch A Secret Rebel Base? While TechCrunch has contributed positively to the Empire in...

I apologize to all my loyal readers that this news didn’t come from me first, but releasing a new product on a galactic level can be quite difficult. Add on the fact that I have taken on increased responsibilities while Emperor Steve recovers from his midichlorian deficiency and I your will understand. So, on to the good news. New iPod Shuffle First, we decided you wanted more options. Therefore you will now be able to get the...

There is a power in the Apple Empire nearly as strong as the Force. Our critics are baffled by it. Our supporters mindlessly obey it. Our master, Emperor Jobs, carefully manipulates it. What could possibly be so powerful? The Economics of Cool. Economics 101 As Lord of the Apple Empire I have mastered many subjects, including economics. Many of you have also studied economics and therefore are very familiar with the concept of supply and...

For months now I’ve been hearing a lot of griping from the ranks of Apple faithful. Many of the complaints were directed at our supposed lack of attention to non-iPhone products. Do you think that the Empire is ignoring you? Do you think we don’t have enough resources to develop increasingly awesome products? Heresy. Updated Products Our loyal followers at TechCrunch have already announced the updates, which include: 24 inch...