Certain Rebel operatives working undercover in the Empire’s product development department seem to think that by anonymously leaking information about new products will somehow weaken Emperor Steve’s control of the galaxy. A recent example was brought to my attention today. Kevin Rose of Digg.com posted on his uber-lame blog today that he had information regarding the new line of iPods that supposedly will be announced in the coming weeks.

Pure Poppycock

Let me assure you that this information is entirely invalid. The source chose to remain anonymous to avoid the ridicule associated with being wrong (and the fact that I will kill him with my Force powers if I find him.) One only needs to consider how preposterous this information is:

1. Why would the Empire lower prices when fanboys joyfully fork over the full retail price for overhyped products now?
2. A bigger screen on the Nano? Everyone loves the tiny one we have now!
3. Lastly, given the fact that millions of loyal subjects have willingly let themselves get locked into our current iTunes that won’t let them transfer their music to other devices, why should we improve it?

Given this body of evidence I feel that you should feel confident that Kevin Rose doesn’t know what he’s talking about. And if you’re reading Kevin, don’t be surprised if you see a platoon of iTroopers knocking on your door soon.

For those of you who may have read Thomas Ricker’s post at Engadget or another source, I, Darth Mac, would like to personally reassure all iPod Nano owners that their 1st generation Nanos will not explode. The reports of burned tatami mats and papers in Japan are true. People also did report being burned by the devices. However, I’m sure the Nano simply detected rebellious thoughts such as “The Zune Pass would be cool to try” or “Wow, that new Creative has 32 MB of memory and is so small.” Emperor Steve will tolerate no such thoughts and may just use his Force powers to fry your precious little Nanos.