I apologize to all my loyal readers that this news didn’t come from me first, but releasing a new product on a galactic level can be quite difficult. Add on the fact that I have taken on increased responsibilities while Emperor Steve recovers from his midichlorian deficiency and I your will understand. So, on to the good news. New iPod Shuffle First, we decided you wanted more options. Therefore you will now be able to get the...

As was reported on earlier by the loyal subjects at TechCrunch, developers have released the Beta version of Safari 4 for all you OS X users and even you Windows-using Rebel scum. Safari 4 Beta Features With all the recent claims by some shiny silver web browser about how fast their Javascript processing is, the Empire souped up the Javascript in Safari even more. You’ll get the ability to do a full history search as well as browse...

With the recent earnings reports put out my Apple and Microsoft, I feel it an opportune moment to gloat in Steve Ballmer’s face. In case you missed it, we just announced quarterly revenue of over $10 billion dollars and profit of $1.61 billion. And it goes without saying that this far surpassed analysts expectations. Not even a Midichlorian imbalance in Emperor Steve can stop the Apple Empire. However, this wasn’t the worst...

The rumor is circulating the blogosphere that Wal-Mart will be selling iPhones starting after Christmas. The initial report comes from the Boy Genius Report and then CNN lended additional weight to the rumor with their post on Fortune. I would like to issue a more formal response. First, I would like to point out to all retailers that Wal-Mart has sold Apple products for years and moves millions of units for the Empire. With their imposing...

With the obvious speed provided by the iPhone on a 3G connection, many users with laptops have been wondering how to connect their computer to their phone to get internet access when an ethernet cable or WiFi network is unavailable; commonly referred to as tethering. Users have spoken and Emperor Steve has delivered! AT&T was a tough nut to crack, but in the end we managed to get them to cave. Sure this will end up costing them even...