As the reigning Lord of Apple I am painfully aware of the massive fluctuations of the stock market over the last few months. Earlier this year my golden parachute was worth more than a small African nation. Now, after taking repeated triple-digit losses over the last month or so, my stocks are now only worth a small fortune. So what’s the deal? Speculation & Panic Right now the stock market is being driven by speculation and panic...

Many of you have been eagerly anticipating the Empire event today in San Fransisco titled “Let’s Rock.” Many rumors have been posted on sites like Engadget and Gizmodo that may or may not be true. TechCrunch seems to think their TechCrunch50 is a bigger deal, but I will deal with them later. Fortunately, for all those loyal to the Empire, you will be able to hear Emperor Steve unveil the newest products in the Empire...

There have been many Intergalactic rumors floating around about the possibility of an event on September 9th where Emperor Steve would be speaking. This post is to officially *confirm the validity of this rumor. Emperor Steve has graciously agreed to address the Empire and will be tailoring his comments to the official theme of “Let’s Rock.” *In the future, please reference this blog for official announcements concerning...

Certain Rebel operatives working undercover in the Empire’s product development department seem to think that by anonymously leaking information about new products will somehow weaken Emperor Steve’s control of the galaxy. A recent example was brought to my attention today. Kevin Rose of Digg.com posted on his uber-lame blog today that he had information regarding the new line of iPods that supposedly will be announced in the...

For those of you who may have read Thomas Ricker’s post at Engadget or another source, I, Darth Mac, would like to personally reassure all iPod Nano owners that their 1st generation Nanos will not explode. The reports of burned tatami mats and papers in Japan are true. People also did report being burned by the devices. However, I’m sure the Nano simply detected rebellious thoughts such as “The Zune Pass would be cool to...