I was exceedingly troubled this morning as I read the opinion of (what I thought) a knowledgeable tech blogger concerning recent comments made by Stephen Elop. Emperor Steve will deal with Stephen, but I will go to the blogosphere to deal with Jason Kincaid. No Office on iPhone The iPhone is the most powerful weapon phone in the galaxy. When fully operational it will be able to destroy entire planets. Why in the world would Emperor Steve...

The rumor is circulating the blogosphere that Wal-Mart will be selling iPhones starting after Christmas. The initial report comes from the Boy Genius Report and then CNN lended additional weight to the rumor with their post on Fortune. I would like to issue a more formal response. First, I would like to point out to all retailers that Wal-Mart has sold Apple products for years and moves millions of units for the Empire. With their imposing...

With the obvious speed provided by the iPhone on a 3G connection, many users with laptops have been wondering how to connect their computer to their phone to get internet access when an ethernet cable or WiFi network is unavailable; commonly referred to as tethering. Users have spoken and Emperor Steve has delivered! AT&T was a tough nut to crack, but in the end we managed to get them to cave. Sure this will end up costing them even...

As the Empire has sought to expand it’s presence throughout the Galaxy, the Mac Rebellion has sought to thwart our efforts at every turn. In some systems they have managed to mount a significant resistance. However, the Rebellion is no match for the iPhone. The Power of the iPhone Some may recall the unfortunate accident that led to the destruction of the Death Star. Though we forgave those designers for earlier mistakes (the Newton),...

As reported at the Wall Street Journal today, Emperor Steve fessed up to masterminding the iPhone kill switch. For those of you who don’t know, the idea is that every iPhone has a handy little piece of code that allows Apple to kill an app. No questions, no justification needed from the Emperor. Why have a Kill Switch? Official reason: The kill switch is there to give Apple the ability to shutdown any “malicious” app. Real...