I was exceedingly troubled this morning as I read the opinion of (what I thought) a knowledgeable tech blogger concerning recent comments made by Stephen Elop. Emperor Steve will deal with Stephen, but I will go to the blogosphere to deal with Jason Kincaid.

No Office on iPhone

The iPhone is the most powerful weapon phone in the galaxy. When fully operational it will be able to destroy entire planets. Why in the world would Emperor Steve add Office? That would be like mounting a BB gun on an Apache helicopter. So please, forgive this misguided rumor and all loyal iPhone users can sleep soundly knowing that the Apple Empire will not allow the iPhone to be polluted with Microsucks Office.

With the recent earnings reports put out my Apple and Microsoft, I feel it an opportune moment to gloat in Steve Ballmer’s face. In case you missed it, we just announced quarterly revenue of over $10 billion dollars and profit of $1.61 billion. And it goes without saying that this far surpassed analysts expectations. Not even a Midichlorian imbalance in Emperor Steve can stop the Apple Empire.

However, this wasn’t the worst part, was it Ballmer? Now we hear that you’re cutting 5,000 employees, revenues are down across the board, and you lost almost $500 million on the web. Ouch, that hurts! And to make it even worse, this is with Emperor Steve on the sidelines.