Earlier today there was a piece of “citizen journalism” posted by a CNN iReporter that claimed that Emperor Steve had been rushed to a hospital with an apparent heart attack. This report was posted without validation by CNN and subsequently caused a momentary dip in the stock price of Apple. As the apprentice of Emperor Steve I would like to issue two official statements regarding this news:

1. To Apple Stock Holders: I find your lack of faith disturbing.

2. To the media: Citizen journalists are dangerous. How could you let someone without political connections or conflicting interests post news on a largely trafficked website? That is just irresponsible. Luckily we have seen numerous corrections of this falsehood (such as TechCrunch & Silicon Valley Insider) and stock prices quickly rebounded, but the lack of confidence in my ability to succeed Emperor Steve was obvious and I am displeased.